Path to Surrender

 10.16.23

I was thinking the other day that this might help other people down the road. I have never read anything where the author shares what they are going through at the moment theya re going through it. I felt this might be something that could help others, but more importantly, help me.

I am ina  weird place right now. I have so mnay blessings in my life and yet still feel empty. I shared recently with my wife that I feel like a bad person. Nothing is ever good enough for me. We both have jobs that sustain us. We have a roof over our heads, vehicles to drive, food to eat, money to start paying down debt, health (for the most part), and the list goes on. However, with all that said I am still not fulfilled. I dread going to work because I feel under valued. 

A short background. I took a postion that was ll of my doing. Kim and I prayed for specific criteria and I wasnt patient and let God do His work. I forced a job to become a possibility and it has blown up in my face. This is not the 1st time I have done this. It seems like my "thorn." I can make excuses and try and make myself feel better, but in the end I simpy did not have enough faith in God.

So, here we are. Full circle back at sqaure one. Do we stay in the current position (if it is even an option at the end of the season) or do we pray for God to intervene and take us where He wants us? This brings me to today's revolation. I am dealing with two ideas: 1) total and complete surrender to God and 2) rearview faith. 

1) How do you completely surrender to God? I have come to realize through talks with my head coach and my wife that I have created a false god in football. I am afraid to lose it, for God to take it from me. I am fearful that if I pray for God to show me where He wants me that He may take me away from coaching. This has become a dangerous place to be. Its not enough to realize it, now what actions am I going to take and can I be consistent with them?

2) I feel like the Israelites in the wilderness. I can look back in the rearview mirror and see tons of places where God has intervened and saved me and my family, and yet, here, in this moment, I can not being myself to jump in with full faith that God will deliver. How dumb does that sound? I always questioned how the nation of Israel could be led out of Egypt with all the miracles being performed daily and then as soon as there was a lull in the presence of God the people turned and began to worship man made idols. There is no way I would ever do that! HAHA. Here I am, doing just that. I mentioned above, I have created my false idol because I have not leaned into God. I havent pursued him with all my heart. I now live in a period of ease and this has created a void between God and myself. 

I hope thyat this can help others look inside themselves and reflect on where they are. What gods have you set up for yourself? Work, family, children, money, etc. There are so many things we can poor our lives into and have beautiful arguments for why its ok. But I ask, how would you feel if God asked you to give it up? Can you see your life without that thing?

For me, Im scared to admit that I do not want to lose football. I love coaching, scheming, hanging out with the players, everything that goes into this profession. I have worked hard to get where I am currenlty at. I have made sacrifices and put family and friends on the back burner in order to chase this dream. I dont know where I would be without it. 

WOW! Opened up to start Proverbs daily read thru adn get this right away:

Proverbs 16:3 - Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeeed.

Proverbs 16:9 - In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.

Proverbs 16:25 - There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.

What have you planned and not given to God that has shown true success? What have you relied soley on God for that has come to pass and has been greater than you could have planned or imagined?

I love refelcting on things and always coming to the conclusion that there is no way I would have doen it that way. I would have done this, or not done that. But if we truly look at the success and how all the pieces fit tobgether we can realize there really was no other way it could have, or should have, been done. His way is greater than ours: Isaiah 55:8-9 - For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. We have to place trust in God, believing He will provide and deliver us.